Co-parenting– where you have to put aside all your relationship issues, bitter experiences you faced during pace of break-up and criticism you bared in the process of separation.
Everything will heal by time, but how to co-parent with a difficult Ex? How you face a person whom you dislike most? Yes, you need to: not for your sake but your children’s mental stability and security.
Parallel parenting normally has two aspects:
First when you have done all possible things to change the mind of your child because you have opted for co parenting with a narcissist. To whom you are not much confident to hand over your child safely. You always get panic about losing your child to him.
Basically, you have developed a fear that your Ex will influence your child and separate him from you.
In the above condition you become a victim of depression, and give up by saying : I don’t want to co parent.
Secondly, if you decided co-parenting then can you deal with it with a positive angle?
Sharing views, forgetting all disputes, and working on the one thing that is your children’s well-being. It takes a lot of effort for sure but a fruitful way to accept the panorama and move on.
Simply add on some coparenting rule. Be very practical and manage schedules of letting to meet your Ex with your children.
Here some very basic steps are curated and tips for coparenting. Have a look and feel prepared and confident to deal with your Ex.
10 Steps On How To Co-parent With A Difficult Ex
1. Respect, Do Not Control Ex
Do not face your ex in a hatred gesture. Whatever be the situation in the past days, just try to control all your emotions and respect your ex as a co-parent of your child.
After breakup or divorce, your kids are always having an eye on you. They somehow know what you feel for your ex, and how your life after divorce is leading, but you got to tackle it and talk polity with them.
This attitude of your will let your children respect him too, have peace of mind, and they will not attempt to trash talk with the other one.
Also, don’t try to control your ex. Co parenting with a controlling ex will prove of much bitterness to execute as in your ex will try to make your kids happy by offering some junkies and so on.
What you have to do is, allow him. Let it be for once a while. If it becomes frequent try to sort out respectfully.
2. Be Patient
One thing that will help you to be very static and persistent in the whole process is your calmness. Time will come when co-parenting doesn’t work. When your toxic ex will not cooperate with you, he will do all possible things to irritate you.
Relax and chill. He is doing all this to make you give up. But my dear you do not give up to satisfy him. Very Beautifully you can cop up with condition by just by being patient. Kill your narcissist ex with kindness.
Let me help you by giving a very practical example. When at your workplace you find one of your co-workers very irritating and unbearable, what do you do?
I guess you are not going to leave your job just for that person. Right?
What you will do is you will find some ways to deal with him. Same here also. This positive mindset will help you a lot in reducing silly conflicts and will better coparenting relationship with your ex.
3. Set Co-parenting Boundaries
How to co-parent with a difficult ex includes setting boundaries. Setting boundaries with ex spouses will help both of you. Especially when it is about the time of visitation, birthday party or regarding some other activities.
Co parenting with a narcissist ex is a quite tough job. They always react weirdly because of their self-love.
So be prepared by ordered agreement which specifies all terms and conditions of co-parenting. It comprises specific visitation time and other things in the written documents.
As a result, any issue will resolve and you will not have to worry about arguing on something.
It will protect you of being fired up on daily issues with your ex.
4. Respond Tactfully
Whatever be your nature, learn to be open-minded, especially when it comes to co-parenting. Just focus on your children’s happiness. If you want to talk or exchange some views, don’t make your children as a mediator.
Keep your children away from all possible issues. Encourage them to meet your ex. Support them if they want any possessions from their father/mother. Children will be happy and that’s all that you want.
Let children navigate equally from both of you. Be happy for them, and this positivity will make your journey more smooth.
Even by doing this at some extent your ex will get assurance and feel free to be with your children and vice versa.
5. Handle Blame Game Effectively
When you stuck in some argument with your toxic ex, he will do all possible things to let you down. Also, he works as a gas lighter to lit your thoughts and make you give up on co-parenting. Beware of the behavior.
Don’t engage too much. What you have to do is not to respond immediately. Take time to think. Take time to calm down. Seek advice from your family and friends on a difficult person. It will help you to respond effectively.
Prepare yourself well and then react. By doing this you will not be caught up by frustration and can make your point strong.
6. Involve Ex In Decision Making
Thinking that now as a single parent it’s all your decisions to make your child life better is quite risky sometimes.
I am not saying as a parent it is wrong, but it will add more sparkle when you inculcate your ex in decision-making regarding your child’s betterment. It can be a school meeting or an appointment with the doctor of your children.
You can be a good person and involve your ex too. By doing so you can gain empathy from your children, and they will be very happy to see you all reunite for their well-being.
Moreover, it will result in successful coparenting.
7. Seek Mediation or Parenting Coordination
It is normal to be tensed and frustrated when things are not going the way you want in co parenting.
In such times, don’t hesitate to take help from your supporting system like your family and good friends. By sharing your co parenting plan and experience with them will make you feel very light and motivated.
You can also search for co-parenting support groups, life coach online and on social media. Do check privacy matters first and then feel free to express and communicate with them.
Some co-parenting apps are proving themselves to be very helpful nowadays. You can switch for one according to your taste.
8. Co-parent As Team
You like it or not, but you have to accept this fact that you both have to work as a team for your child’s welfare. And avoid domestic violence.
Try to be frank to keep your point. Initially, it may lead to arguments, but after sometime it will get well. Let it be a discussion about children’s education, medical needs, or financial issues, you all need to work in a team.
I understand it will be very difficult for you to sit down and discuss, but this is how your child wants to see you both.
Your child may not like highconflict coparent in you or the other one. It would be better to cooperate as they will realize that it is not wrong to be with both parents, and they will feel secure in a process of transition.
9. Communicate frequently
Coparenting communications will help you both to sort out many things. Let it be a business like a tone. Make requests often.
It is important to clear your kids that you both have re-united for them.
It is better to communicate with your toxic ex in the presence of your family or if you are texting or emailing him, make sure to pile documentation to avoid being cheated.
10. Don’t Forget To Live Your Life
Last but not any way least. Try to enjoy your life fullest. It’s a time when you can execute your plans which you had thought to do after separation.
You deserve to be happy, get pleasure, and have fun!
Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them. Just chill and move on! But never fear to show your positivity for your kid and keep on trying for things to go well.
You can’t change your ex, so don’t try it. Just shift your focus and live life on your terms. Do it with a smile! Because someone says that happiness is the best revenge. The same positivity will reflect on your children also by you. Live enthusiastically with them.
Eventually, they will learn that divorced parents can still be best parents. They will pass on coparenting tips, won’t feel guilty of themselves and you and will have better mental and emotional health.
With these simple tips, you can make yourself more confident to face your toxic ex.
Now you are all prepared to deal with the question of How to co-parent with a difficult ex.
Author – Tasneem Panbihar. Originally posted on rukayya.com – https://rukayya.com/how-to-co-parent-with-a-difficult-ex/